Today, something bit Angel and she whelped up all over. She was taken to the vet and was given steroids to stop the allergic reaction. Poor little girl! Usually, Angel would have gone to her Daddy, but she could not! He always babied her when she was ill. I felt so sorry for her! She is feeling better now, but Angel is still lurking around James's side of the bed...wanting to find him there! ME TOO!
I am still bickering with TXU and Atmos, concerning James' retirement. This is so ridiculous! He was vested! I have his portion of the contracts with both companies and as of now, they are in breech of these contracts! Until this is resolved, I cannot do anything about our stocks and such! I am at the point to where I think I may need to hire a lawyer to get what is rightfully owed to James and me. I do not want too; however, I cannot allow them to do this to James when he worked so hard for every benefit we have! They cannot pretend that James never existed and that's how it feels when I talk to them! Shame on this entire system for being so crooked! I know of only ONE who can change this for the better and I have taken this issue to HIM! God, will go before me as I hold truths...not self interest, nor what's best for a company who so mistreated James during his illness! It is about what was discussed and settled upon way before James was ill. It is about keeping their word and honoring a contract entered into by them and James, face to face!
This, is all I am waiting on. I have found someone to help me invest and manage my money. I have a realtor on standby and a house sitter awaiting my phone call. As soon as all business is dealt with, I need to get out of this house! I feel myself not wanting to leave for any purpose and this is not healthy for me! I suffered agoraphobia after my Mom died and I cannot allow this to happen to me again! I will not go to that place again as I know God has made me stronger now. This is why I need to get all things resolved and get myself miles between my home and me! This is one of the reasons I am determined to visit whomever will allow this. Even if it is a simple lunch and I'll be on my way!
The lawn is slowly looking as it did prior to James's illness. Teresa and I had to let the yard go and settled for a lawn guy who only mowed, weed eated and edged. It was all I could afford for him to do. In as much, the shrub and such went crazy! Blake cut them the other day and I helped to gather everything into bundles. Ants stung me all over and I am covered in little white blisters now! I cannot stand the ants out here! They bury up and you almost have to dig them off of you. So, I am now armed with ant killer for around the yard and I am going to war!
God, is pouring out mercy today! I have not had that sinking feeling within my heart today for the first time since James died...on Friday's! I am so grateful for this and for His strength, love and unending desire to see me through. Without God in my life, I think I would simply curl up and await death myself!
I do have a plan. I will be leaving here and heading to Colorado as Teresa's parnets live there. From there, I plan to drive the Northwest areas and look at a few places in Colorado too. This will give us a base from which we can reach many areas in the Northwest. I am only visiting this area as I know I cannot live in wet damp areas as the mold and fungus would keep me ill most all year long! So, I am not looking for a home, but rather, I am visiting people and places I have never been too. In fact, I am visiting FT. Sill, where James did his basic training. He also climbed a huge portion of Mt. Ranier and went to see many ice caves there. I am merely going to see the mountain as I have NO desire to climb this mountain! This is when I will be visiting Neita, Sue and a couple of other folks as well.
I will return home before the holidays. Cindy and Blake will need me as I will need them. I am not looking forward to the holidays at all. The joy which I experienced was cooking for James and the gifts I had gotten for him and the others! I have little to no desire to cook anything! As for shopping...not sure I want too! I miss James and his smiles, kisses and I know come Christmas morning...I will not be greeted with either!
Okay, I am closing this entry so I can get some things done. It is going slow as I give out so fast. Two years of grabbing sleep when you can takes a toll in which I cannot place into words!
Sending Hugs To All,
Gail
Poor Angel Baby!! I hope she feels better soon.
ReplyDeleteThat is also my prayer for you.
Hugs,
-Steve
Steve, thanks for posting. Angel is doing better now. The whelps are gone and she has had a huge need to eat since the steroids! They do that to me as well.
ReplyDeleteI am not sure as to when Angel will accept that daddy is not coming home. She is still crying at times for him. They were simply buddies and Angel longs for James!
You guys take care and God's blessings upon you!
Gail