I find myself not interested in too much at this time. I start to do chores and I end up scrubbing the same area for some time as my mind is far away. In as much, it takes me longer to do less at this time! As the title suggest, I feel as though I am gathering dust!
I need to move forward, but it is not an easy thing to do. Now, I have to admit that I can feel God rendering support in all areas of my life. This pain is only made easier by His touch. No words, no deeds, nothing of this world can soothe the weary soul like He does. This is part of why I know Him to be my Creator!
I am still cleaning out James's closet. This man had too many clothes and has made me reconsider much of my own wardrobe! They are going to family members who can wear them. There are a few boxes and Teresa said they looked like tax information stored. So, I suppose I will organize these papers and then I will have the closet finished. The dressers are emptied. This has been the hardest thing I have ever done to date! I clearly have no thoughts on what to do with golf clubs, two sets, bowling ball, caddy, shoes and all the goodies for someone playing on a league. He was a great bowler...not so much a great golfer!
I have not had my hair cut. Remember how I was fussing about my hair? It seems that after James died, it simply didn't matter to me! I have no desire to get this done. In fact, I now have an excuse! It is getting colder and the hair will help to keep me warm! Sounds good to me! However, it will be to the middle of my back by next Summer. That's when I will run, not walk to get this hair under control! It is too hot in the Summer to have a permanent sweater feeling across your shoulders!
Teresa, just left to get dinner. My schedule is still very abnormal and I am trying to turn things around. It is taking longer than I thought. It seems I can sleep for several hours and I get up feeling tired. Is this old age, or am I simply wiped out? Perhaps, both?
I am still awaiting to hear from the two companies which vested James. I am suppose to be hearing the result this week. I hope so as this is his pension and I have no clue how much money will be coming in monthly! My current house payment is sizable and I need to know if I can last out, until this house sells. It is difficult to do anything without knowing what your income will be!
Dinner is here and I need to eat. Sending all hugs and asking God to bless you.
Gail
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ReplyDeleteHi Sissy. Gosh I am sickened and saddened by what people have said to you and about you all. But Gail do not let yourself anger. You've been on hyper-drive physically, emotionally and mentally, for more than two years. Let them think what they will. Small minds are always seeking little dark nooks to run into...hoping to find something that makes their own sins look smaller and hides them from the Light of the World. Pray for their eyes to be opened to Jesus, Sissy. And let God handle the rest. We who know and love you, KNOW the truth and stand by you completely.
ReplyDeleteSorry about Angel. She's still picking up James' scent and will continue to pine awhile, but will adjust. Just keep loving her and receive her affection, it helps, amen?
Why don't you take James' sporting goods (or have Blake do this) to a reputable place for an appraisal of their worth, then check into sporting goods stores that buy/sell used equipment and see if you can get a good and fair price? Or, you could sell them via Ebay. Auction's a possibility as well, and if a bidding war starts you could make good profit. If not, you will make something at least. Or, my final suggestion: find a school that has an outstanding athletic department with a golfind/bowling team, and donate the equipment in James' name. There. Those are my ideas, hope something will help.
I'm not at all surprised you're tired. Your body has been dragged thru the keyhole for over two years! It needs rest and repleneshment Gail, and you are still in mourning so it continues not to function at 100% right now, on top of your own health concerns. Give it time, pamper yourself a bit.
I think you might be a bit surprised to know that my mold/mildew allergies are FAR milder here than they were in MI when it rained occasionally. Here, it rains ALL winter, so nothing dries out to get airborne...and our homes are protected against mold very nicely, they are not damp. If God puts you here Sissy, He'll take care of it for you one way or another. I hope He does. I want HIS will for you of course, but my foolish heart has its own desires...and we've waited twenty years now to meet face-to-face and have had an undying dream of living close to each other to serve God together. So forgive me for wishing and praying and hoping! I love you!
I am glad that you are just beginning to experience times of comfort and peace. They will increase as our faithful Father continues the healing process. He is taking you through at exactly the right speed and depth for YOU, He has a custom-made program of renewal just for you, Sissy. Just let it come and enjoy it and know more is coming.
I do love you so very much Sissy, and pray for you always. See you back on here very soon now that I am (praying!) on the mend. I was too wobbly and off-center to sit up at the desk...still feel like warmed up compost but God is good and my trust remains in HIM ALONE. HUGGING YOU IN MY HEART OF HEARTS SISSY, AND TERESA AND BLAKE TOO. GOD BLESS YOU AND KEEP HEALING COMING TO YOU AND KEEP YOU IN HIS PEACE.
in case you don't know it, periwinkle post is MY blog name lol this is Neita. it won't let me sign in by name, it posts my blog name. sorry.
ReplyDeleteThe deleted post is also mine. It was full of "boo boos" lol due to me being verry sleeepy. Sorry. LOVE YA
ReplyDeleteGail,
ReplyDeleteHope you are getting along as well as you can. We are still praying for you.
Hang in there!!
-Steve
You are always in my prayers, Gail.
ReplyDelete